To have and to hold?  That is the question.

A lot of folks have asked us about whether we are “packin’”. And, the short answer is that we are not.

The long answer is, well, long. And, here goes:

There is a great debate among the sailing community of whether or not to have guns on boats. At the top of the list to consider is whether or not guns are legal in the country or countries you are likely to visit. Here in the Bahamas, guns are legal aboard but, and I think rightly so, they are very restricted. You must declare your gun as well as all of your ammunition (as in the exact number you have aboard) when you clear in. If, when you clear out, you have less ammunition as when you cleared in, you better have a great explanation for why – and where – you discharged your gun.

In a lot of other countries, guns simply don’t fly. If you are caught with a gun onboard, your boat can be confiscated and you’ll be put in jail – no bueno.

And, we feel, why do you need a gun? Pirates, maybe?

On the subject of pirates and at the risk of tempting fate, they are truly far and few between. And, generally, they’re not after cruisers. You hear about pirates attacking huge cargo ships in the Red Sea (a real problem) because of the political unrest (editorial: a fancy term for people having no economic opportunities while big oil takes their resources) and because cargo ships generally pay the ransom rather than fight.

And, while we’re on the subject of people boarding your boat with guns, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not sure I’d use mine if I had one (danger, Will Robinson!) and it’s generally true that if someone is pulling a weapon on you, you’ll probably out-gunned, so to speak.

In the Caribbean, there is crime “against cruisers” but generally it’s the same old crimes of opportunity you see on land: goods left out and then swiped, not locking your dinghy up, being shithouse drunk in the wee hours with tons of flashy jewelry, buying drugs, etc. So, we take precautions: locking everything we care about up and getting shithouse drunk in the daytime (just kidding, Mom).

Also, we’ve heard a couple of great stories which give us no reason to feel we need a gun aboard. Here goes:

1. There was a single-handling cruiser who was passing from the west coast of Panama to either the Galapagos or Hawaii (I can’t remember which but either way it’s a month on your own). He started being trailed by another boat: a clear sign of hijinks. Fortunately for this guy, he had thought ahead and instead of having a gun aboard, he made “one”. That is to say he had previously carved an “M-16” out of plywood, made it about 1.5x the normal size and spray-painted it black. Through some binocular scopes, the sight of this crazy dude on the back of his boat with a HUGE gun caused his “visitors” to turn away. Was it the gun or the craziness? Who knows and who cares, right?

2. We recently came across a cruiser who, upon seeing our Texas flag flying proudly, this fellow Texan asked if we really were from Texas. “Um, duh. Why else would we fly a Texas flag?,” we asked. He spun us a yarn about how he ran into two other boats who tried to buy his Texas flag off him when he was cruising in Central America. “Why?” you might ask? He found that these Texas-flag-shoppers had learned that thieves avoid boats flying the Texas flag ‘cause they figure we’re crazy-ass-Texas-mo-fo’s certainly packing heat. He even ran into a European boat with a HUGE Texas flag (is there any other kind?) draped over the boat. This, I find, hilarious – and awesome.

Our final thought on having guns aboard and why we don’t is that we have Kemah, our Chief Security Officer. Yes, sometimes he protects us from buoys and those menacing pelicans but the point is, he always barks and looks like, well, a crazy ass Texas mo-fo who ain’t messin’ around.

So, there you have it: the skinny on guns and why we don’t have one aboard. And, if you’re a thieve who’s reading this, just because we don’t have a gun doesn’t mean we won’t launch Kemah and some flares at you if you’re desperate enough to take the chance of messin’ with Mother Jones and her Texas crew.