We love guests!  And, we love it when our guests are well-prepared to have a great time aboard Mother Jones.  There are a few things you should know before you come, so I thought I’d list a couple for you in advance, below.  If you have additional questions, shoot.

1. When should I come/where will you be?

Great question!  Unfortunately, this is one of the hardest questions to answer.  So much of living aboard is dictated by the weather and sailors who get into trouble forgo the weather to be somewhere “on time”.  So, most seasoned salts say you get to pick 1: where or when. I, like you, love to plan my trips months in advance based on cheap airfare, days off, etc.  But, this can be tricky for meeting up with Mother Jones.   The best way to deal with this is to stay flexible and count on the unfortunate scenario that we may not be “there” when you are: requiring an extra drive, puddle jump or stay in a hotel as we wait for the weather to bring us together.

Of course, this is the worst case scenario.  We are planning to be in the Bahamas through April and in Panama for some time starting in June, so that is a great time to plan for a visit – or book a refundable ticket.  Along the way,  I’m afraid it may be hard to plan more than a week in advance, so get your Kayak alerts on “last-minute deals” for islands in the Caribe del Mar and roll the dice, my friends!

2. Can I stay with you?

Of course!  But, know that space is at a premium and privacy is an illusion so consider that when you come.  Check out this video walk-through of Mother Jones to get an idea of how much (little) space is aboard and be honest with yourself about whether you are up for this.  If staying with us isn’t your bag (“I love cable, AC, hot showers, restaurants and a closed door”), no worries!  There are plenty of places where you can stay ashore, join us during the day and retire your comfy hotel room in the evening – aw shucks, you may even have us join you for some room-service and pay-per-view!

3. What can I bring you?

I’m so glad you asked!  You’re so thoughtful.  While my Mom maintains a healthy list of things-to-be-Sherpa’d, we’re always in the need for some hard-to-find stateside items.  Check in with us before you come and we’ll set you off on a Whole Foods-West Marine mini shopping spree.  Did we mention how thoughtful you are?  You are so thoughtful.  Thank you, seriously.

4. What to pack?

A great attitude!  And, very little – in a soft-sided bag (no rolly bags, please).   We have everything you could *need* aboard and space is at a premium.  The perfect guest would bring:

1. Stuff my Mother has collected for us in our “pile” in Austin (for which you will be a Sherpa – thank you!!!)
2. A (waterproof if you have one) camera, swimsuit, shorts, shoes that have a soft bottom and can get wet (you won’t need heels), a hat, long-sleeve light-weight shirt to cover yourself from the sun and depending on the time of year, a sweatshirt (it can get windy-cold on the water).   And, if you want, a nice sun dress or button up shirt with slacks for a night out on the town.  Bug spray, sunscreen, towels, sheets, an extra laptop, etc; we have it all so don’t lug it with you.

5. What will we do/can we go for a sail/snorkel/1,000 things before I leave?

Hmmm, much like everything on a boat: it depends.  The weather is our guide, or rather, we are her guest – is that a saying yet?  Anywho, paramount of the myriad reasons we live aboard is that you get to slow down.  And, if you don’t adopt this perspective, you will find yourself frustrated.  Geez, even using the head (for #1) takes twice as long as usual (cause you are the flusher).

So, relax, enjoy the islands, mon.  We’ll try and give you the best of what we’ve experienced – weather permitting.    And, if you don’t get to do the 1,000 things you thought you’d do on your relaxing Caribbean vacation hey, at least you’re not on a conference call.

6. What do you eat?

Wow.  We eat well.  We provisioned tons of supplies before we left the States and we try and mix these goods with fresh produce and fish wherever we go.  We don’t eat out a lot because Laurie loves to cook and loves the freedom of eating delicious food without asking if something is gluten or dairy free (the occasional bacon cheeseburger and queso are exceptions, of course).  We don’t keep a lot of meat on board only because we don’t have a big fridge but we love seafood and try to catch as much of it as we can.  Also, we’re on a budge so eating at home works most often for us.  But, we don’t mind joining you out for a nice meal every once and a while, especially if you’re feeling generous J

7. Showering, pooping and other issues of daily hygiene

The illusion of privacy on a boat is just that, an illusion.  There is just one door on Mother Jones – and that keeps the ocean out.  Inside, we all know what you’re doing – and you know what we’re doing.  Get over it.

Showering

Showering is done as needed (and you generally don’t need to shower everyday) in the cockpit from a shower bag.  What’s a shower bag, you say?  Well, it’s basically a heavy-duty plastic bag with a hose on it that we fill with water, put out in the sun (aww, warm showers) and then let rip!  Showers last about 5 minutes and that’s about all you need.  If you want a bath, I know of a great salt-water tub just overboard J

Pooping

A good friend asked: “how do you, ya know . . . go?  Is it like an outhouse or like a port-o-potty?” And, this is an understandable wondering, so here goes:

We have a ‘marine head’, which is the correct term for a combo outhouse/port-o-potty (for you landlubbers :).  You sit down on (or boys stand in front of) the toilet just like normal but it’s a manual flushing – pumping, really – for #1 or #2 (before #2 you pump water into the bowl so the solids flow down).  The process of pumping breaks up solids which either go 1) into a holding tank (port-o-potty style) when we’re in places where you can’t flush out directly or 2) directly into the ocean (out-house style) when you are 3 miles or more off-shore.  You can either get you holding tank pumped out if you’re close to land all the time or if you’re on the move like us, you can fertilize the ocean, as I like to view it.    Keeping in mind always, that some aren’t always as diligent as to where you’re not allowed to “direct discharge”, you get picky as to where you swim around a lot of anchored boats J

And, on the Mr. K front, he goes (#1 & #2) on the bow of the boat and then we dip a bucket into the ocean and use the sea water to simply wash it overboard.  We do like to try to get him on shore at least once a day (or every other day) so he can get some exercise.  After all, when he’s not busy holding down pillows, Kemah likes to burn off steamah!

8. Safety

We like it!

As a guest of Mother Jones, we need you to like it, too.  There will be times when we need to you do something and please do it (what, me, bossy? never ;).  There’s a great reason we’re asking you to move this way or that or hang on to this or that, so trust us, willya?

When you come aboard, before we offer you a rum and punch (wait a minute, will ya?) we’ll run down where and where not to step or hold on as well as where the fire extinguishers, life jackets, radios and other safety equipment is.

As a guest of Mother Jones you will probably never experience anything that causes you concern, but if your gut tells you to tell us something, don’t hesitate to tell us!  One of the awesome things on being on a boat is being self-reliant, but that also means being proactive, alert and trusting your instincts (and your senior crew’s) should anything worrisome arise.

9. Privacy or lack thereof

“Privacy” on a boat deserves the air-quotes I’d give it if we were talking to each other in person as well as the quite literal quotes I’m using here.  We definitely give ourselves time to do our own thing, either right in front of each other, in different parts of the boat, or away from the boat.  But, if we’re all on the boat together, get ready to “love thy neighbor” the Good Book has that one right, for sure.

10. Do you charge?  Can I pay you?

Well, this is another tricky one.  We’re not licensed captains so we can’t legally charge to charter – nor, are we experienced enough to do so.  But, we are on a budge, do think this is a totally valuable experience and there is cost associated with what we’re doing (and what you’re coming to visit).  As long as you’re along for the ride for a couple of days, we’re happy to host.  But, keep in mind that a case of beer in the Bahamas is $50 and a tank of gas is upwards of $5 so, we’re definitely open to any offers to split reasonable costs and donations to our “boat maintenance fund” are very much appreciated.